Chapter 2
"I'm sorry,
mine?" Seeing Mitchell's eyes, I could see the shock knowing the news took
him by surprise.
As it did me when
the test stick said, "Pregnant." That was a bad day in the doctors
office. I nodded,
watching his next move. I saw him out his hand over his mouth to cover the
intake of breath. The shock I gave him was too much. My throat had closed in,
this was a mistake. I turned to keep going in a busy shopping mall.
It took me all of
an hour and half to get Victoria
I walked quickly
down the walk way of the big mall it was white and purple from all of the
Christmas decorations hung up. I heard his walking behind me coming closer as I
moved a bit faster.
"Hey wait
up, Christina, stop please." He called to me.
I didn't look up
or turn around I moved forward until his hand touched my coat again. I stopped,
as he looked into my eyes.
"Stop
please, just let's talk ok?" He asked and I nodded.
"I thought
you were on something like a shot or pills? You said yes to something." His
face a little out of breath while he asked me. As if he was trying to fit the
pieces together of how this happened. I thought back to what my doctor had said
when I taken the shot. Sadly my doctor had failed to mention to me that sometimes
the shot will run out a week or two early. With Melissa wedding stress's
weighing on my shoulders, it was only natural to think I did or didn't get the
shot that one or two weeks earlier.
"I was, and
it failed me, I was too pregnant when I found out, I counted and doubled
checked everything I fucked up it's my fault." I looked down as I replied,
I feeling disappointed with myself. No matter how many times I said it was my
fault it really wasn't.
Mitchell looked
angry with himself, as he ran his fingers though his hair.
"Christina,
I don't like kids I never have, I can't be a father, but I can give you money
or support or nannies. Just tell me."
I nodded again. I
asked as I looked to the floor.
"Can you try
to be a part-time father?" Trying hard not to sound like I was begging for
help. He shook his head.
"No
Christina, just I never liked holding or touching babies," I nodded again.
This was not only a mistake, but a disappointing let down. To both him and
myself of how we saw this evening going.
"I see"
I said not trying to sound disappointed. He ran his hand though his hair again,
growing more angrier as he did.
"Fuck ok,
let me hold her, if she screams, I will send just cheques."
I nodded. I
unbuckled my sleeping daughter and lifted her into my arms then to my body as
the nurse told me how to do in the hospital. While I was holding her small body
only weighting seven pounds somehow turned into twenty. I looked at him.
"Ready?"
He held his hands and arms out like he had held a baby once.
"Ready."
I passed her to him, and watched as my sleeping baby melted into the strongest
man I knew in a second. Not a cry and not a scream came her mouth. He held her
head and body in his arms as he got to know his only daughter. Her black hair
matched his black hair. He smelt her head as I tried not to cry as I watched
them meet for the first time.
"Ok!"
He said as he looked at me, he had enough to hold her. He passed her back to me
as he did. Barely looking into my eyes.
"I can't do
this, not to you, not to her. I will just send you money, I have to." He
looked up the hallway we just walked down as I knew the next part. I nodded
fighting back the tears.
"I'm sorry
to do this to you." He mumbled as he left. I put Victoria in the stroller
as our first trip out was ruined by a father she will never know and a mother
who was crying in a shopping mall on their way to meet Santa.
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